Trip down the Information Wormhole lane

'NewsGeek'. For the uninitiated, this a special genus belonging to the species of 'Geeks' who excel in destroying their time by visiting news websites N number of times in a day with propensity to crunch more information data than munching burgers and french fries. Further subclassification divides this genus into numerous families such as 'WikiAddicts', 'TechAddicts', 'SportsAddicts', 'EcoAddicts', 'EntAddicts' etc etc etc. The addiction is often severe with most noted symptoms being
a) Having bookmarks belonging to newspapers/blogs/information sites
b) The second task you do after checking your email first thing in morning is to check these bookmarked websites
c) You use Google Reader/RSS feeders heavily to feed your never ending appetite of useless news and information with hope of using some pieces of using those news in making an interesting conversation for rest 90% of your life
d) You think the world will end tomorrow if you dont read what is happening and if it does, you dont want to NOT to know when and how is it ending

Twice have I tried to break away from this addiction. Not by choice, but entirely by a shift of situational paradigm imposed upon me by circumstances. And remarkably I discovered few things: such as 'The world didnt end. Lack of information can be a good thing. I can live without knowing each and everything happening around me '. First time I was out for a week to the heavenly gates of pearl, totally surrounded by blushing mountains from three sides with fields of lilies, roses and green tracks in between on a much wanted trip. It was on way back I realized how happy I was and how that happiness took a hit when my eyes fell on a newsstand proclaiming souring relations between Israel and Palestine. Maybe 'Ignorance is truly a bliss'. But then I realized it is not about news as much as the quality of news which affects people the most.
Earlier there used to be one Doordarshan which would relay news once in morning, afternoon, evening and then night. All the important, worthwhile news used to get covered in those precise half and hour of news and for rest of the time you could go on to live your life happily in total oblivion to all the problems in the world. But now, with news bombarding us 24X7, its impossible to stay away from news. And 99% news is about human misery and problems. Yes they are important and are very much the realities of life, but I believe that too much of 'it' actually challenges our tenacity to remain hopeful of future. There are good things happening everywhere around us, but somehow their voice gets drowned amongst the much bellowing voices of fear, anger, hatred and cynicism.

And then I wondered, if a future is possible where I will wake up one day and all the news I hear is of 'Good' tone. Where instead of a headline saying 'Tsunami pounces and wipes millions', it reads 'People helping each other build lives once more after Tsunami fails to break them'. Unfortunately I know having a dream like that is utterly impossible for pain is as real as happiness and part of our lives.
But still I remain hopeful for such a day
And then I thought a little bit more and chuckled at few thoughts. How about waking up one day with news like these?

1. PTI reports, Taliban declare 'Enough is Enough... is Enough'. Weekend reports have confirmed that Taliban has accepted to give up fighting over peace negotiations with US. In lieu they have been promised unending supply of Coke because they wanted to 'Live on the Coke Side of Life' and 'Eftah Coca-Cola Tefrah'. Sources confirm that the idea of 72 virgins waiting for them lost its appeal when they realized that those virgins will be 72 clones of their wives. 'I'd rather marry a goat and carry it on my shoulder across Morghab or Panjshir than marrying that one in burqa. She doesnt even try wearing Lipstick for Gods sake'.

2. PTI reports, Riots break in a California Jail. Heavy waterfight reported between heavily armed water gun weilding Security forces and inmates who were protesting to receive next version of Counter Strike for their X-Box playstations. Inmates are supposed to have stockpiled hundreds of water balloons and are considered armed and dangerous. The Governor has brought Microsoft Games Chief to act as the tripartite peacebroker to diffuse the situation and explain when the shortage is expected to be met. A spokesman of PCS (Prisoners for Counter Strike) spoke of the daily humiliation the top 'Fraggers' among the prisoners have to sustain in hands of the Warden. 'They jam our Controllers just when we are about to frag them. This is corrupt, inhumane and fundamentally opposes the First Law of Electrodynamics and Constitution'. The spokesman further explained how the 'Frozen' avatars are stripped of their MP5s and P90s just before a covert war is going to begin in the Dungeon Level 4 rendering them at mercy of the opposing team. 'They enjoy seeing us getting fragged' was the last word he said before he broke down into tears. 'Many of these inmates are people who were Linux Users and are just beginning to apprecite Microsoft Games, we cant let them go back to Linux. Freezing them and taking their weapons away will surely drive them back to either Linux or worse to Apple. They just need a new game and complete control over their controllers, thats it'

3. Zardari Decides to play Kho Kho with Manmohan Singh at 10 Janpath. The closed door meeting held between India and Pakistan had a happy ending when it was decided that the fate of Kashmir would be decided by a game of Kho-Kho match between the politicians of the country one month from now. Our illustrious prime minister Shri Manmohan Singh Ji chose Shri Vajapeyi as the captain of our Kho-Kho Team while Musharraf is heading the Pakistani team. Shri Vajapeyi in his states-manly speech mentioned 'Humein............ Aaj....... yahaan............................ mauka mila hai.......................................................................................... ki................................................ hum...................................................................... kuch kar dikhayein....................................................Humein..........' His speech was then cut short by the Shri Lalu who started demanding a Motion in Lok Sabha to decide the T-shirt and Dhoti size for each of the player... 'dekhiye... humka to sirf is cheez se matlab hai, ki sab yihaan aayein, apne bestest form mein... aur humka des international commonitee mein apna dhaak jamaaye. Humraa Bihar mein logan bahoot achhe se dhoti baandhana jaantaa hai, woh sab players ko yahaan help karega to isse Unemployment bhi kam hoga. Dekhiye dhoti surakshit raha, to hi naa desh surakshit rahega, isliye hum chaahte hain ki agle chunaav mein hum dhoti ko apna party symbol banaayein'.... Arjun Singh ji is separately demanding 50% quota in the Kho-Kho team to the under-represented and OBC divisions of the Lok Sabha.
On the pakistani side, sources said they were having slight difficulty in making President Zardari understand the rules of the game, particularly the 'Pakad-Pakad' rule. Sources confirm that he is having difficult to let go of female team members. 'Aji kya musibat hai, sirf ladkiyon ko hi pakadte hain... Kal security bulani padi ladki ko chudaane ke liye. Bas 'Pakad Pakad Pakad' bolte rehte hain'. Nawaz Shareef has been found to listening to Hrithik Roshan's 'Haan yehi rasta hai tera, tune isey jaanaa hai' on his ipod while practicing his 500 meter runs daily.

I can cook up more such stories, but enough for now। Its getting hot in here and I should go and get a shower.

The Ingular Doctrine

As I was going through the latest huffpost couple of days ago, my eyes caught attention on an ad about the latest attempt by Microsoft to unseat Google - Bing.com. 'You are defined by the choices you make' - said the catchphrase. An intelligent but simple ad, much better than the Seinfeld-gates attempt which reeked of antiquated humor.

From then it was a predictable journey wherein I began thinking on length, breadth and height of that statement. I looked back and thought of some choices made by me and people I intimately know and pondered over their implications over future. And there in, immersed in the pool of those interluding thoughts I realized the fallacy in that statement. I am of course talking about 's'. Now I know some may say 'Not Again'. 'Not another war with another alphabet'. I know you may also throw your arms up in the air and say, its a simple alphabet, what harm can it possible do, Leave it alone. But as I have mentioned previously, DO NOT EVER TAKE ALPHABETS LIGHTLY. I know its used everywhere, heck I am using it right now in my words as I speak. But see the thing is... the thing is... s is only as good as long as WE control it. Its a whole different ball game when s starts to control us. See, I believe that the world would be much of a simple place if there were no plural (do u notice, i have cunningly removed s in the end?).

Choice and Choices

Chance and Chances

Car and Cars

Imagine. You had a piece of bread. Any intelligent man would know what to do. Eat it.

Now imagine, you had breads. You can eat one or may be two or three. But what do you do with rest of them? Do you store them? Do you share it with your incessantly annoying brother? A whole Pandora's box opens up with so many options, and so much processing required. As I say if you gotta think over something, you better outsource it to the call center in Delhi. Do you see what I am talking about? I eventually would need a call center to tell me what to do with that bread. All that nuisance just because of an extra s.

The power of one s has been befuddling me. And there in lies my core belief - that all good things come in singular. War has habit to become Wars but there is only one Peace- no Peaces. May be people won't kill or deceive each other if they knew that they had only one choice of being good. May be we won't waste paper if we knew all that paper comes from just a tree.

Now I imagine there will be these radicals who will voice that its this s and that the gift of choosing is the greatest gift bestowed upon mankind. To them I say 'you are wrongs'. I know these people will argue that all species make choices but none can process information as eloquently as us humans and its this processing which makes our daily mundane life a tad bit different tomorrow from what is today. To them I say again 'you are wrongs'.

Here is my argument: The Universe spiraled into what it is today because it had only one choice. It had to bang in a big way. What could it do? Burst like a pop-corn. That is for wimps. What kind of starting would that be? It would be so simple that even a caveman could write a book on origins of our universe. Then where would all our नाड़ा theorists (string theorists) go??? Could there be any other choice other than nuclear fusion to make stars, galaxies and our milky way (suck up nuclear fission!). Does black hole have a choice in deciding whom it should eat and whom it should spare? Answer to all of these is of course a resounding NO.

Then why must we not follow what our billion year old wise universe has been telling us. Why must I decide every morning when I wake up: should I apply butter or fruit jam on my Sara Lee 100% Wheat bread?

No I don't fault you for believing that having options is a good thing. It is because we have evolved ourselves to believe that way. And that is another problem given birth by s - Evolution. Single cell bacteria evolved to multi-cellular organisms, which evolved to make fish, which evolved to make amphibians, and the dinosaurs, then the big G (the God) realized 'holy crap, I ordered humans not dinosaurs', so he sent an asteroid to clean bowl them over. And then he put up a new bid and apes formed which evolved into humans.

All this because Evolution had choices. Now imagine if it had not gone that way. If DNA had only one choice to decide our fate. We would be like Mr. Phillis Dexter

Mr. Phillis Dexter

Would that be so awful?? That we all humans/species look like him. There would no fights, no ego problems, everyone would be Mr/Mrs Universe. We would be living in a Utopia. And is that not what all aspire for?

But I know people will not realize the gravity of this situation. They think s as simple and harmless. People who have played 'finding the word' in a map would appreciate that sometimes the most difficult word to find is the one which is 'just there' - big, bold and even italicized perhaps. We spend our time to find that word hoping it has been perhaps written in font size 7, and that is why is invisible. But No. The brazenness of that cunning word lies in hiding itself in plain sight. That is exactly what this s has been doing. Sitting silently and watching the world ruin itself.

If it were up to me, I would urge UN to ban s from the world. You wake up one morning and all words with s gone. Puffff. Just like that. Try speaking following lines

Mom, can I get ome ugar for my milk??

Excue Me, you hould not take your hoes in temple. It i acred.

And in forms you will have to fill 'Ex: Male/Female' (now would that not be interesting question to answer :D)

Wa it too hard?

I know its a long shot. The way s has penetrated in our daily life is so deep that we might never be able to free ourselves from its slavery. But we must rise against the tyranny and hegemonic leadership of s. At least at the minimum we must immediately stop it use in all suffix. We might need to retire it before it retires us and substitute it with some different alphabet. Perhaps a Q or a Z. Both of them have been under appreciated in our culture. May be its time to bring them to limelight.

But until then, may I be bold enough to pray for you to live life one choice at a time :) And may that choice be easy to make....

War of Months...

Long long time ago, came the twelve months together

and promised to form a year, to live under the same banner

Some had odd no of days and some were happy to be even

They shared different seasons under the same skies and heaven

Pain or pleasure come what may

would be distributed in equal say

With time the months of odd

grew odds with months of even

Because of the extra day they thought they had

they thought they had to endure pain more bad

They formed a group headed by the July

a month of rains they thought could rely

Evens had no choice but to choose the June

a month of summers they thought was more attune

In an open meadow one fine sunny day

they met under a tree with swords drawn and made of clay

June tried to reason with July

We are all the same, parts of same tribe

You think you have an extra day of pain

but for us evens its same pain compressed in 30 days

We feel more fraction of pain everyday

the same which you feel in 31 days

But July wouldn't listen.

Months of odd made fun and ridiculed

the months with less than 31 days

July found an August company who came handy

with a chocolate cake and candy

Accused June and ones with 30 days

of playing a difficult game and eating ruffles lays

The months of even stunned and amazed

This turnaround befuddled them and left them in haze

Months of even reminded the odds of times they had

that each month followed the others no matter how bad

But months of odd laughed and said it was all in good sense

and so they went different ways beyond times fence

A year got split in the two

February was lonely as it was at times even and at times odd

so the evens took it under their umbrella broad

thus now we have months without Junes summer breeze

without July's cloudy skies

Without Decembers cold winters

And without April's springy surprise

Evens looked, shook their head and went on

Looked back couple of times

and saw months of odd in celebrations

happy in the clan of extra days they dined in their mansions

Then after a time long gone by

times that paled those sunny skies

the months of odd talked once again but of being slain

of fading echoes and ankles with sprain

Standing with new company, they muttered about autumn frost

It was a choice involving more than a stamps cost

If only they could see what others had to sustain

They would have not killed the very dreams

they had promised to nurture and maintain

and the year would still be together

but saying all this is just is vain

a year, a month are just another piece of a long chain

Seasons of spring, winter, autumn and summer

will return and bare earth will touch the feel of rain again

I, Robot and I want a diaper

Time and again I have tried to put this very clear that I am a 'dreamer'. And yeah yeah I am not the only one. Yada. Yada. But I take the business of dreaming more seriously than anyone else (except John Dorion). I have fought more ghosts in my dream to put ghostbusters to shame. I have rescued princesses more number of times than Prince of Persia and I have reveled in more cheesecake than which can be churned by The Cheesecake Factory. Not only that, I have single handedly won every major Nobel, Grammy, Oscar and Victoria’s Cross than a mere mortal is allowed to boast of. Just other night I won an Emmy for playing Mr Garcia, the horse rider. Its a show in which Mr Garcia rides the horse. No other character or dialogues, just Mr. Garcia and the horse. And - listen this, recently I lived inside my apartment for 14 consecutive days and survived on drinking, eating and schmoozing on dreams alone. Survive that Bear Grylls!

Nevertheless I had yesterday what I would call pointe-de-zenithio of my dreams. It was one of those dreams, which when you have you never want to wake up. And I wouldn't have woken up except for the minor case of bladder emergency. Two parts of brain, two ears, two eyes and one bladder? Remind me, I need to make a backup storage unit to rectify Gods mistake.

So here is what happened:

The year: 2018.

I had just finished my book and national bestseller "I, Robot and I want a diaper". It was a soul searching and gut-wrenching story of one robot who got tired one day of leaking grease from its arm-pits and decided to rebel against its makers for right to poop more gracefully. Stripped of its dignity it had no choice but to stage a dharna in front of World Nations Head Quarters (Lonavala, India). And for rest what happened you can read on your own. (You can pre-order copies from Amazon.com, all that money will go into charity to make my palace in Central Park, NY).

It had been on National bestseller list for 10 straight months and had even put Rowlings never ending saga of 'Harry potter' behind (Yeah, by 2018 she had made Lord Voldemort alive again - and for the 4th time! Harry and Hermione had sort of a one night stand and their love child became the next wizard to fight Voldemort.) This was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life. I knew it would come. And it did. The phone rang. I picked up. And yes - this was it.

'Hold on now, you are so close.'

Yes, I had just been called for an interview with none other than Stephen Colbert to discuss my book! Now SC or Steve as I love to call him is not a mere mortal sir. He is a rare combination of beauty with brains. Of spectacular eyes with moustacheless machomism. And he delivers. Faster than FedEx, DHL or pigeons of world war 2. He is more than a cultural icon. In fact on my desktop, he is the only icon.

Steve is a legend. His roast in 2006, his numerous moments of head-butting, tongue twisting, word wrapping have made him more powerful than Dalai Lama, Popes and Garfield put together. And I, his greatest living Indian fan had been preparing for this 'Lakshya' my whole life. This ladies and gentleman was the actual reason for me to write that book. Years of strategy learnt from 'Apprentice' had finally paid off.

My thrillness knew no bounds! To be on the sets of Steve, was going to be the greatest eve of my life I had set to achieve!

I am now on the sets of 'The Colbert Show' and as it happens I would be interviewed by Steve in last 10 mins. I am trembling and sitting there I am wondering if there is earthquake and if there is why the hell everybody is not being evacuated. Oh no, its just me. I prayed lord to give me strength and courage to face my hero and check if I had my handkerchief in my upper pocket in case I can’t... hold myself back

Wooooo.... Wooooo... Yey... Yey... Rise ladies and gentlemen... (Stephen does his routine to reach the desk of the invited speaker). And then he comes and sits across that famous polished hard wood desk bought from Ikea for 1o0$.

SC: Now ladies and..

Me: OMG! OMG! OMG! (Shrieking manly and uncontrollably)

SC (suddenly startled)

Me: OMG... steve... I am here... its you... dude, is this real?

SC (startled n continues): Yeah, and ladies and gentleman tonight we have a special guest who is going to speak on the agony of being a robot whose rights to poop were taken off before he was born. So Sir, why should we be concerned off...

Me: Stephen, how do you do it? I have been watching you for 15 years now, and I cannot imagine I am sitting right across my idol, my hero, my santa claus. I have a room plastered with your greatest moments.

SC: Well Dr Anand, I appreciate very much but as I was saying

Me: Stephen, can I hold your hands??

SC: Excuse Me?

Me: Yeah... I want the memory of this moment to last forever. If Deathstar now decides to implode our planet, I want this to be the last memory on this planet earth before I join you in heaven. I'll be your screenwriter, copyrighter, Xerox boy or even your co-desk-sharer if you want.

SC: hmmm... well sorry I already gave the spot of accompanying me to heaven to my first screenwriter. But lets go on, what is this book about? How did you get inspiration to write this?

Me: Fine. We will come to my proposal later... to be honest, it isn’t that one day I got hit in head and decided to write something. Its just that I watched my girlfriend Candella11A and we talked about certain...

SC: wait a min! Candella11A?

Me: Oh right, yeah my girlfriend. She is a class A robot. She feels somewhat hurt if I mention that she is not human. But we have been together for last three years now.

SC: Oh, so you are one of those interspecial couples. How did this happen?

Me: Well, it was sort of a chance meet. I was walking inside a major Science Exhibition couple of years ago, when I accidently bumped into someone. When I looked at her, she was simply the shiniest, glossiest thing I had ever seen. I knew it right then that we have to be together. And then I helped her get up, and put back her batteries where it should be and that’s how it all started. Next day I went her home with an Energizer AA set and apologized and she graciously put them behind her eye sockets. Her Laser eyes glimmered with a shine equivalent to 10 Saturn moons on a starry night that day.

SC: So three years and still going strong?

Me: Yups, pretty much. I wake up every day, fill her up with Penz Special Grade Oil first thing in morning and in between we chat, sms from time to time and I even monitor her from my office using a webcam. Just the other day I surprised her by bringing the newest i6400 core processor from Intel.

SC: But why her??

Me: Well many reasons. Unlike female homo sapiens, she doesn’t argue, doesn’t waste money, no drama, no anger and she doesn’t get hot - even when I hide her Cooling Unit. And she does the best job in the whole world in ironing my pants (I stand up and show my wrinkle-free pants to the audience). See... See not a single wrinkle anywhere! What more can a guy want?

SC: hahaha, ok. Fascinating. Do your parents know about it? how did they react to it? And what about next step?

Me: It was hard at first, but now they seem to understand. And we haven't thought about it yet, but we might go for IVRF (In-vitro Robo Fertilization). You know science has come great way, now next gen robots have ovaries inside them. Candella11A is of last generation so she didn’t had any, but we are talking about it. Let’s see.

SC: Ok. so what about this book...

Me: Forget it Steve... Steve can I ask you a ques? What hair gel brand do you use? I have tried so many, but I just can’t get mine to look as slick as yours. And what about your eye frame? What do you use to polish those silvery frames? BTW, I am your biggest Indian fan you know that?

SC: Laughing. Oh that can’t be true.

Me: Seriously, see I have been waiting for this moment my entire adult life or at least since I met you on my Philips 32 inch TV. Now would you tell me what brand of cereals you use for your breakfast? How about a lunch at my place? Candella11A cooks an awesome shaahi paneer.

SC (laughing): You sir, with your awesome awesomeness have just Stephened me on my own show.

Me: Hey Stephen, I just stephened you. Don’t I get a cool nickname for doing that?

SC (laughing): You meathead, I declare you my greatest Indian fan possible.

Me: Meathead? Me! yaiyyyyyyyy

and then yaiyyyy cut short for the bladder emergency :(

Disclaimer: All the stuff mentioned above is a surreal hypothetical stuff. DO NOT PRINT IT AND INGEST IT.

For the Übergeek

Fascinated by Tattoos?? I am not really fond of piercing your epidermial cell line for funzies, but I admit seeing the following article I am having other thoughts.

Check this

http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/loom/science-tattoo-emporium/

Here are some which I liked

Einstein vs Newton

Schroedinger's Equation

Before DNA

If I have seen further, it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants

And my personal favorite: A Pi in my heart

A Kitchen side story

Dear Bhindi Masala,

Adios!

You might find it strange that instead of greeting you welcome first, I am bidding you with goodbyes first. Adios is however not a simple straight word for me and shortly madam you will know why.

Let me refresh your memory. We met at a party where we had spent an entire lunch sitting on the same luncheon table. I know we barely had spent much time over then. But you have been running on my mind ever since then. Stupid as I am, I should have taken your phone number.

I was brought in by the chef and served hot at 2:20 PM. As I waited to be devoured to what looked like a very hungry crowd in front of me, I had subscribed myself to the worst fate imaginable. I knew soon the pitch forks will be raised, and if I am lucky enough my heart will be pierced by a spoon and piece by piece I will become a piecemeal lunch for the one with the overgrown moustache and the lady with too much of red lipstick. But that then is purpose of everything created by our creator. Perhaps you are thinking that I have developed the bout of philosophy in my dying moments or I have become mad because the too much zeera has been sprinkled over me.

Do you know that our journey had started together long before we met at the lunch table?

You see, I was getting a dressing down on the opposite counter when you were being washed, cleaned and sawed. I had freshly been culled and had just been stripped off my dignity right in front of you. But you were too busy with your own private matters so perhaps you missed to watch a chicken get sloshed and waterboarded. In that room, oddly called 'kitchen' everyone I know has died. I guess it was my time. So we were set on the opposite corners, ready to be bludgeoned by our creators. We crossed each others path once a while. I saw that man who looked at us and glowered with his yellowish black teeth and uttered 'Mast khaanaa banega aaj saheb ke liye'. I do not trust people with yellowish black teeth and so don't condemn me when I say that, that character looked far more sinister and suspicious to me. What were his intentions? Is he going to put us in tandoori or he'll make us drown in excess of taree. We would soon find out. I saw as he started the fire and massacered onions before putting them on the pan to do sauté. I looked at you and if my spine had not been ripped off, it would have sent shivers down all the way through it. You looked so vulnerable, so innocent, doll like. As I was pierced right through my heart and crucified on the grill, I saw that man holding your pan in his hand and saying 'sarkaye diyo mirachwa, tadkaa lagey'. As he prepared to put salt, degi mirch and turmeric powder in that tadka it shook me that soon madam, you will be introduced to all that fiery heat. Little did I realize that my own tadka had just been prepared and I will be immersed in that whirlpool of smouldering, boiling taree. Our fates had been tied together by some divine will it seemed. As it happened with me, I saw it happening to you. And there was nothing I could do to stop it. I cried, desperately howled, but my voices drowned in the background music of 'aeeeeeee huzoooooooor... tera tera tera surooooooooooooooooor". Everything it seemed was simply against us. I saw you become soft and tender under all that heat. I saw you bend and break under it. I saw you becoming silent eventually. Is she dead? Is she alive?

I couldn't find out because I was apparently ready and so taken out by the cold hands and put into this kadhaai. Put on a plate. They even covered me with a cover dish so that all the steam of my torment may not find a way to escape. Perhaps they were afraid of UN. Or of Media. That I am a distant minority undergoing suppression in hands of overlords would have attracted likes of Mayawati. But no. The cold hands of those kitchen makers are far too strong with ties too sinister. Nevertheless I had no choice but to sit on that lunch table alone and wait for my fate. I wondered though what happened of you.

And then you were brought in. In a Golden round bowl! Madam, I had never seen a vegetable dish look more delicious than you. What an amazing transformation! Sitting next to the salad plate, you were covered with green peppermint leaves with sprinklings of tomato and fresh onions. Could you have looked more beautiful?? I could see the dal makhani eyeing your thunder and suffering diarrhea of jealousy. Somewhere lying in all that taree, my heart skipped few beats. And the aroma! For first time instead of cursing the guy with yellowish black teeth, I marveled at his mastery to create such a fine piece. It was pure and simple art. I tried to hide my pouch belly and fatty overcooked piece of hurriedly cut square pieces. Sitting next to that beautiful masterpiece I felt too hideous.

And then it began. The most memorable trip of my life. Dont be coy. We were brought together occassonally by that unstoppable power of spoon, mixed up together, piece by piece, and gobbled up in one slow motion sometimes with chawal and sometimes with roti. Sometimes we fought for more space on that spoon. And ofcourse the times when you and I were completely lost in one another with our salts and pepper intermingling in the taree. I could not have wished to be consumed in a more fashionable way. We knew it could end. But there was a hope that may be they would order a second serving? A third? Who knew of the future? Maybe they will keep on ordering and it would never end. But then also, would they even finish this serving? Who knew?

But as you now are aware of, there was a twist in the fate. It appeared the rest of us would be taken 'to go' and on different destinations. And hence the requirement to write this letter.

Madam, whether others know or not, but I am the lone witness of whatever happened on that lunch that day. And I assure you, that lunch meant more to me then all the taree and condiments put together.

Hope you keep your spices hot and tomatoes fresh.

Adios!

Yours sincerely

Malaai Tikka

Anatomy of the Invisible Universe

Killing of Sikh Leader Sets Off Riots in India - New York Times

Punjab Riots after Vienna Killing - BBC News

Nah this post isnt about violence or religious extremism. Violence ofcourse starts with 'V'. I usually do not discriminate among letters, but I think the ones which are in the end are usually the laziest bums of the group and less trustable. Dont trust my opinion?? Ok. Simple question: What is the sign of the sleepyheads and comatose drinkyheads in the world?? ZZZZZZZ.... and Z is the 26th alphabet. Coincidence? I think not!

Regardless of whatever the old and the new testament says, I can vouch that this is what happened:

GOD created the universe, the earth, the moon, the beach and the pebbles on the beach over a period of six days. Along with this he created the food chain and made man sit on its top. Everything was fine. And then GOD did just a teeny-tiney-eenie-weenie mistake. He gave man the tongue. If you do not know, the first man didn't had a tongue. We know that GOD is almighty and source of all the wisdom, so of course he would have known the pitfalls of giving man a tongue. But GOD had to give him under circumstantial pressure. You'll ask, GOD and under pressure? Well as my newly written testament says, GOD created man and together they partied, boozed and made merry on the seventh day. When man woke up after all the delectation's and creation hangover, he probably... u know wanted to 'relieve' himself... and if you are in front of GOD almighty then the etiquette dictates u don't leave his party without informing him. Its GOD the 'almighty' and he had just created u fresh from his oven. May be he'll put you in the oven again, just for funzies... You can't predict someones mood after a friday night hangover. So man naturally did what anyone without tongue would do... jump around... use sign language to tell he wants to go for a 'releiving ceremony'... no shame in accepting, we all have done this at some point in our lives... you know how it happens right... when the pressure is too much... we get up, get down... move restlessly... pace up and down... look towards that closed restroom and curse the person sitting inside. Now imagine all that and with added effect of having 'no tongue'... I doubt sign language would have reached its artistic level back then... so GOD is seeing this freshly made hunny-bunny, his art de-joy - the man, jumping in hoops in front of him and with his entire wisdom GOD cannot figure out what the heck is wrong with this young chap...

Rum? Bacardi?? Grapes? Apple?... Seriously Chap... tell me what you want. I am GOD. I can deliver.

But Nah. The Dance of impuissance and conflicted irony continues. So GOD gets frustrated, he wonders and against his own wisdom, does the unthinkable.

So... wolla! GOD gives him the freedom to speak... and since then GOD has probably felt guilty of this mistake... but GOD being GOD cannot disclose this in open... i know this because he told me this last night... anyways... so coming back to the point... now GOD... needed to give man letters too... just the next logical step after creating the tongue...

And thus, GOD created the letters.... and decided to create words... GOD being GOD, cannot stop being GODlike, wanted to be just and fair to all the letters (duh), so he invited them to his palace next day in the morning... to distribute words among them... and give them a place in the alphabet tree... Now we all know what happened after that... A being of most cheerful disposition arrived first and went singing merrily with first seat and Z probably arrived at last... probably had drugged itself on half a weed from last nights creation party... and thus we have A with most words and Z with the least...

Anyhows, now that I have established the history of mankind and alphabets in one single article worthy of being included in Wikipedia, I shall go on to tell the real story behind this blog... It just so happened that last week, my mom, dad and bro got saved from an insane mob of 1000 people...A journey of an hour lasted for more than three during which they had their own version of 'Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure'... And yeah they are safe and gobbling aaloo/paneer parathas as I thus speak...

In short, everyone left Ludhiana quite late at night. On the way there was 'chakka jaam' at quite many places. I was on phone with them during that time and we were joking about certain things so I didn't realize the gravity of the situation. Anyhows, they had to detour over couple of villages late at night during which they lost their way and ended up in a group of 1000 crazy people who stopped their car and refused to let them go away. Dad, cool as cucumber as he is, stepped outside and showed his sympathies with them. They threatened to harm him. They wanted candies which my dad promised to get them if they come with him to 'Modern Kiryana Store'. So the group calmed down and lo! in from them emerged the leader who took my dad aside and told him in his ear, that candies are for others but 'real men' accept nothing below 'Dairy Milk'. I guess my dad thought a little bit about implications, but he agreed. Ultimately the leader of the group came in and saw the dairy milk in his eyes and took over our car and drove through the entire route until Phagwara! And then Army tried to stop him in between - they wanted their share of candies, but ultimately he reached home safe and sound.

Normally I have seen people panic and getting flustered when something like this happens. Scared, terrified would normally be the general reaction on such cases. It all stems from the inability of people to remember the correct kiryana store to go and fetch candies. But somehow things are little different in our family.Dad says its the 'Faith' thingy. Apparently few years ago we dug a hole in our backyard and hit this supply line. Since then without informing PWD (Punjab Waterworks Department) we have been steadily routing this 'Faith' thingy in our home. I don't know if its illegal to fish faith in troubled waters, but it has kept our lawns green ever since then. So as my dad tried to explain me in language of worlds most ancient dialect - hindi, we have this faith that GOD is sitting in a big room filled with zillions of Televisions and watching over us. Its somewhat unsettling I know. Apparently he does not use DVDs and has system more advanced then Blue Ray to record over what we do. This has raised heat in Seattle where Microsoft is working hard to find the system with aim of ultimately copying and mass producing it under their own label.

Neverthless coming back, probably GOD has a TiVo installed. Who knows. No one has apparently seen his condo or the bed room. GOD is a private person and paparazzi are strictly not allowed. So not much is known about GODs private life. Has he got picture frames hanging on his walls? Da Vinci? Manet? Kabir? Tulsidas? What channels he prefers to watch the most? I am not interested to know the make of the TVs but I sure want to know how much energy bill he gets and what credit card GOD uses to pay them all. My American Express is set to expire in few months.

Anyhows, as much of talentless person I am, I have apparently received this 'faith' by hereditary means. Faith that there is this guide who is constantly watching us and who'll steer our ships away. For long time I thought it was the voice from the skies. I mean like Lightning. But apparently its the voice from within. They say 'Faith' is the best antidote for a calamity. It wont replace the function that a benadryl has to perform but undoubtedly the importance that 'Faith' serves in our lives serves is more than air water and food put together. Not so good things do happen in ones life but nothing can be more terrible than losing ones faith. Having no faith is like a 10 headed giant dragon ready to slay hope, dreams and the banana cream pie given the first chance. So have the faith in whatever you believe in.

It happened when dad had to get operated for his heart. It happened when mom had the accident. And it happened recently when a friend going through serious emotional stress thought stabbing me was as great as taking the giant ride in Kings Island :P (Not for the weak hearted but monstrously funny story, which I am not yet allowed to reveal) and countless others... Have I ever lost it?yeah... once until now... and in a not so distant past... it was akin to sitting on a scooter with really bad shockers but except that, I always had faith that Krogers shall never be empty of the Hagen-Daz when I need it...

Here is hoping that 'May the force be with you' :)

Just an ad... :)

Nice animation. Someday I wish the other anand would make something like this. Oh hell, he will :) Now that he is going to be here, I have started hunting youtube on best ways to beat the crap out of young ones in the clan :D

Journey of Thousand Miles begins with...

I dined with Ezekiel and Gabriel last night

Made a pact and let them check my eye sight

Its one simple life with dreams so many

I'll fulfill them all with lord playing my nanny

We laughed and raised a toast of sparkling wine

Sure, there'll be quests to cross and dragons to maim

But Frodo Baggins didnt stop and neither will I

Until I lay my claim over my shire or until I die

I know that

simply because 

I have and I can

To Those Who Never Give Up :) And To Those Who Do...

There once was a village and an idiot village chap
who herded ostriches wearing no braces nor a cap
he was a man of few thousand words, bow ties and beliefs
said life is maggi noodles sprinkled with chocolate chips and griefs
his dreams were simple but big, a stash of strawberries filling up his fridge
had few possessions, like a 'single track mind' and a wooden house on the mountain ridge
life was a merry circle with free coupons to six flags
he remained high on happiness like year round oktoberfest
then came a great famine and few villagers became restless
and when the seas dried up, they panicked and became breathless
so they left on one hot day, to find a new hayride
excused themselves and left others behind to die
tch tch, the village chap had brains planted in his knees
he hanged on, until one day sky churned and earth cracked with green leaves
he found few potatoes, and he muttered happily to himself, 
When life gives u potatoes, you should make french fries 
if others had stayed, they too could make french fries
but thats a life. Game for some, and for others a business of becoming wise :)

A day with a Thought of its own

I stood Among them, but not of them: in a shroud Of thoughts which were not their thoughts. 
- Lord Byron

A friend of mine brought me a revelation after reading my first blog. He told me that a blog ain't about writing skills, but about ideas and thoughts. While I don't agree with him completely, I dedicate this blog to the idea of ideas and the thought of thoughts.
They say that a man is what a man thinks, for what he thinks, he often does, and what he often does, is what makes of him. For women, well I dont think simply substituting "woman" in place of "man" in the above sentence will serve the purpose, for a woman is a whole different world in herself. All I can say for sure is that gravity and relativity do not work in their world the same way it does in our mens world. Anyways thats a whole together a different topic and maybe someday else, I will take a pick on that. 
U remember early man? Yeah, he was the one whose picture you saw in your science books. Yes, I know he looked hairy, but comeon, there weren't any shaving kits in that time. What was the first thing the early man would have thought? Was it "damn, where did god left his matchstick? Its so cold in here that my ass has got frozen" or "baaraa...bum...bararara...bum bum bum". Frankly, I can't imagine. But early man was real lucky for he didnt had to think of how to pay the doodhwaalaas and dhobis at the end of the month or decide between choosing between watching a football game and WWF. Believe me, those things can be tough and life altering.
Much before someone got inquisitive about human origins and looked at a giant salamander and uttered the historic words "Oh you look like my cousin Bugglebery", there were people busy searching for origin of thought. The reason why I began with early man was, because the origin of thought began with origin of our evolution. The first thing that would have happened is that he became aware. Aware of himself and his surroundings. I dont know when would it have happened or how it happened? And perhaps these questions are not important. But that was the begining of his age. An age which ushered a whole new meaning to the word "existence" and which brought among other things my favorite cadbury's eclairs. First you got to know what are you looking for to look for something first. That came from awareness. It probably happened that he got aware that there were predators watching him and his girlfriend and he "knew" that he had to do something. Then came the next big thing-"inquisitiveness". To even this day, any new achievement is rooted in these two qualities.

But how do we think?How do we get all these thoughts?Is there some well inside us where we occassionaly take a dip and come out with "thoughts"?And what are these "thoughts"?I can't see them, but I can feel them, so are these thoughts my feelings?How do I know that what I think is my thought and not sent inside my mind by that freaky looking lady who claims herself to be a psychic?Which thoughts are "rational" and which are "irrational"?Are all rational thoughts good?What is good?Who gets to make the decision of what is good?Is there something called evil?Is something bad?

I am not the first one to raise these questions and neither am I the first one to think of their solutions. Everyday in some part of the world, each second, many of us are involved in a turmoil to answer these questions. These questions are the reason, why we have a religion or why need one. And because we all "think" differently thats why there are so many religions inspite of the popular saying "God is One".
I don't profess to be a thinker, but having marshmallows in for dinner table has had some effect. And as a non psychology student, I will try my best to present my understanding over this issue. Ofcourse, at the end of this some or all questions will remain unanswered or I may leave you more confused. But perhaps someone may be able to locate order in disorder and come up with something different. Another strong possibility is that what I say, you'll just agree sayin "so?I already know about that". But thats the thing right. You are supposed to know about this. And for your sake, I hope you will or have already said that already. This is something which we all share, we all are aware of or have been aware at some or the other part of the life. This is not like a physics experiment which few geeks can understand and make the rest of us look like children of lesser god. But if you haven't, relax, take a diet coke and chill, someday u'll reach this stage.I have thought upon these questions often in my life but ultimately had to stop when all the dispirin got finished. 
There were times, just like when I am writing this, when I thought I had some answers up my sleeves. But then when I look at what I have realised, I find that there is only one complete truth. Nothing is Absolute. There are no absolute answers. And it is at this point, where I start slipping into the realms of abstract and my sentences run the chance of becoming inarticulate, that it becomes absolutely necessary for me to become dettached with my consciousness if I want an answer to these questions in real terms.
One can go and explaining that a thought is a by-product of all the chemical reactions taking place inside our mind. I would like to believe that. But I am sure, everybody has a feeling that there is more to it. And there lies half the answer. "Feelings". If touch, smell, see, taste are our windows to the outer world, then these "feelings" are the gates to our inside. There is no denying them. They are there for real. Feeling, consciousness and awareness, they are pretty much the same terms, with a very thin line differentiating them. There is no greater sense than feeling for even our outer doors of perception are a way to make us feel about our surroundings.And the rest half of the answer lies in our surroundings. From the day we are born and till the day we die and people at our funeral come to say nice things about us even when the only interaction we had them was when we standing in the same queue to pay the water bills, we pass through a myriad of circumstances. And each of the moment that we pass, has an impact on us.These two things are pretty much what make our thinking. And from the thinking comes the "thought". You might consider a thought as a product of our serious consideration over a matter or in other words what we "think" over a matter. And this is what sets us apart from those who are dead, for they dont have the luxury to think or realise. The way we behave in our present goes down as history tomorrow and decides what kind of future we have chosen for ourselves. There are infinite possibilities on how to behave at a particular moment. Yet in most of the times, we have a clear idea of what we ought to do or more importantly what ought we not to do. And this clarity of taking a decision comes with the way we think and how we have molded ourselves so that only a particular kind of thoughts come at a decisive moment. But hasn't it happened with all of us, so many times in our lives, that we think of something, after the decision has been taken. Another solution, another possibility, which just didn't cross our mind when we were taking a vital decision. And then we wonder at ourselves, where did that come from now and why it didn't strike me before?... And thats because our mind has been conditioned to search for a solution in a particular way... and that is why thinking out of box is really a cumbersome process... 
The mind of a scientist requires that things be answered in a realistic way, something which can be understood by our 5 senses. And thats where he usually goes wrong, for he leaves behind the driver of all these-the mind and the consciousness. And thats where the philosophers take an edge over the scientists, for they acknowledge that there is a fair chance that such questions of mind may be left unanswered forever. A scientist won't even acknowledge the presence of consciousness, for regardless how many times u dissect bodies, there is nothing in there such as "consciousness". He refuses to have faith in such subjects. 
Another important thing about thought and thinking is that most of us know about things, but we seldom understand things or realise them. Knowing isn't everything, but realisation is. The french call it "pensez et appliquez" or "think and apply". And the world has scene the effectiveness of their thought in the popularity of french kisses and french rolls. 
I wonder how many of us have felt some or the other time, as if they were "trapped in the body". That something is holding back. That sky is no different from me and I can reach it, but something is holding me back. That there is nothing such as a complete silence, for the universe is buzzing forever and calling us and telling us that its alive and kicking and nothing is monotonous even on the smallest time scales. I wonder how many of us have felt the same thing when I was at the sea shore, with gentle waves coming and receding away from my feet, and feel as if there wasnt any difference between me and it. Is it realisation?I hope so. Is it a mere thought?I don't know and I don't care, for in the end, it all boils to what Morpheus said "Free your mind".

I end up leaving some unanswered questions and a thought from another great thinker

“Thoughts are the shadows of our feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Have a great time thinking!

A day with Mind out of the box

I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process.
- Vincent Van Gogh

Its always safe to begin with a quote from someone with whom you didn't had the pleasure to be involved in an awkward social meet. I chose Mr. Gogh, more so because he has been dead for past 400 years or more, and so we really are strangers to each other.

These Quotes are like womans anti-ageing cream. One can always use them to hide your own less than average intelligence and inability to come up with something original on your own. 

Like all great thinkers before me (You better start believing this), I have spent my time wondering what it takes to come up with such interesting and insightful quotes. And I have reached the conclusion that a 24 oz of bottle of marmalade drunk while doing belly dancing on a new years eve is just the kind of recipe you need to turn your mind inside out to think randomly and combine haphazardly few words to make up a good sentence. 

Infact I had made a resolution to try this thing out at the begining of this year. But I cudn't try it as I don't know belly dancing. And I made this particular new year resolution just while writing this blog. But will it be easy then? Most of the things which I would have said have already been stolen from me by the roosevelts and roger rabbit. The only thing which I am left to do now is to quote them saying things which they would have been quoting from my quotes had I been the first one to quote them first. Rammbaa.. karammbaa... 

Its a dogs world out there.