Of Aliens and Earthlings

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/science/space/article7107207.ece

i guess one side effect of being a sc-fi lover happens to be dealing with thinking numerous ways we can get obliterated :D
m glad that a scientist as eminent as Stephen hawking is moving this concern beyond the realm of sci-fi though... the analogy he has drawn for relations bw aliens with us and native Americans with Columbus is hardly an outcome of some conspiracy theory and beyond possibility of probability... i definitely believe there are aliens out there... and i can bet my life that they are not all carbon based life forms... and I am not even going to discuss Drake Equation or Fermi's paradox in that context...
I think one of the biggest mistakes our scientists have been doing for very long time have been to search for extra-terrestrial life in form of 'life' as we see 'life' as... which is a grave mistake... same units of life form can be based on Silicon... or Iron in some unique bonding which we might not be aware of... already in last 5 years, we have come across several forms of extremophiles which have changed our thinking of life... and that's just on our planet...
if u think of life on this planet and think of how many ways we can get annihilated, perhaps you will bend down on ur knees and start kissing ground when the realization dawns on how lucky we are to be alive... and how our small inconsequential worries matter zilch when it comes to the big cosmos...
our planet is in peril... its a precarious territory...

i know for what i m about to say i may be ridiculed, and justifiably so... and yeah, we can all put everything on shoulders of 'God' and give up saying 'what is gonna happen, is gonna happen'... before m labeled as 'depressive soul' or 'negative thinker' or a 'doomsayer' let me assure u, m not... but at same time i also believe in being cautious and i think there r things which shud genuinely worry us and we shud think of what ever we can do about them.... and yet m positive that our survival over last millennium is no mistake... future is going to be exciting with many great things which are ready to explode and unfold in coming few years... n each of us need to be ready for making it better and making sure our probability of survival is as much as possible...

i fervently believe that future belongs to science... if u look at the sci-fi movies like 2012, independence day, deep impact... one concept is central to all of them... in any impending gloom the governments around the world are going to do their best to make sure human race survives... and they do so by choosing 'few'... what r chances of getting picked among those 'few',,, well for one - either u need to be filthy rich like ambanis or offer something valuable to human race... be an eminent scientist, an eminent engineer, an eminent doctor, an astrophysicist, a neurosurgeon... (an eminent dancer? probably not).... yes, i know we cannot be that now... its too late for us... but this is not about us... this is about the coming generations - our children, our grandchildren... you want them to survive and carry on their shoulders the beautiful memories of this dying planet... they need to be 'best' n they need to be 'useful'... doesn't mean kids cant have fun... in fact i think no one has more fun than some1 who is involved in science n technology... they don't need to give up on waltz or music lessons... but we need to show them beauty of finding unknown...

as for ourselves... there r things we can do... i for one have been very cautious on use of plastic for long n try to use them minimally... n m going to minimize it further... its always sad to see whales washing on beaches, dying and having 10 gallon worth of plastic inside them... its always sad to see that there is a continent of plastic as big as Texas floating in pacific ocean... n not to talk of numerous ways global warming is effecting India and the whole world... it pains me to see a common man struggling to survive in the sweltering heat n ppl queuing up for mile for water which is rationed on daily use... n i have some other plans, which m not gonna divulge because they r too crazy to be disclosed :D

but somehow i feel safe too when i see likes of great leaders like dean kamen, ray kurzweil, al gore, narayan murthy, bill gates n so many others working and struggling to give us all a fighting chance to survive... when all of us are totally unconcerned n take everything around us for granted... we are safe because of ppl like them... n someday i wud like to see our children join ranks of such eminent ppl - who think of it as 'gaia' and love it as "na'vi" people did of Pandora...

yeah... its a lengthy diatribe... n probably m somewhat crazy :D

but well i cant shut up :D

so all the ridicule is formally invited... :D

Of Ethics and responsibilities

this article is clearly written by someone whose heart cries for these ppl n wants the corporations who bring some change...

http://www.nlcnet.org/reports?id=0034&t=1

hats off to the journalistic endeavor... particularly since getting pics outta places like these is huge task...
i guess the idea is that corporations dont give a damn about conditions of labor... but hopefully the ppl do...unfortunately ppl have short memories... its same as 'blood diamonds' n sweatshops in india... last year a story came off that gap clothes were made by underage kids in india n Gap to their credit ended their relations wid that firm in new delhi...

clearly it rattled microsoft n it did its investigation... n... so it emerged, some justice has been done...
http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/infotech/software/Microsofts-China-suppliers-get-2-wks-to-end-illegal-practices/articleshow/5826500.cms

are they going to severe ties with this company? not sure for now... similar thing happened with apple corp 2 weeks ago n they cleared the company in question...no news if the corporation under scrutiny made any changes in their labor policy... somehow the whole story seems ironic... china is considered a communist place n republicans in america deride china for its policies which they believe lead to unionization... n yet what is happening inside the factories in china is clearly a result because of corporate greed n capitalism being forced down the throats of these workers...

wid no labor costs.. it means a mouse being sold at 70$... is clearly getting the company at least 40-45$ in profit (considering packaging+die +circuit costs)... n these ppl r getting probably 10 cents on that mouse... for greed everything else is too little... for microsoft in particular this wud be hypocritical... bill gates has set up billions of dollars to solve problems of world... seems as if all that money is labeled already with sweat of others...

earning 1200$ per year? 65 cents /hour? n working 80 hours per week? that is inhumane!

unfortunately we cant stop buying products... cant also say that we'll buy products of their competitors... samsung, HP, lenovo... they all seem to be using this particular vendor...
but wud i be willing to pay somewhat more money if i were to know that, that money wud directly go to benefit these ppl - Yes...

but for now, i m glad that bringing this fact to world attention has paid off... gives hope for future of this planet n ppl who inhabit it... :)

Compassion n Consciouness...

fascinating :)



I remember seeing a documentary on this gorilla, her name was binto jua (thanks wiki for reminding me :P) saving a three year old kid who had fallen inside the gorillas cage and become unconscious... it had become story of the century...
these things are pretty unusual from many standards... for example, these instincts and traits are not shown by all the animals... lions or hyenas are in fact known to kill n eat their own sometimes... even gorillas are pretty much territorial n will kill... yet y wud certain animals behave this way is something we are not certain of... do their brains recognize as much like ours? do they 'think' and is their 'thinking' similar in complexity to ours? is it because we have all risen from the same primordial genomic mixture and hence share chromosomes identical in nature?
are the influenced by surroundings similarly as we humans are?? but then if that was true, we would expect animals in wild behave very differently from those who are house trained... and yet there are instances which defy this logic...

or is there something more simpler, theological happening under our skin? that the guiding light in animals too is a soul underneath which guides them to act in a certain manner?

in any case, one thing is certain: compassion n kindness are not solemn attributes of humans... in fact of all things I have seen in my life i hold these two virtues higher than any other human attribute...and animals are certainly capable of having these...

reminds me of r own bollywood has always shown animals capable of being more humane than humans itself... they have acted as maternal/paternal/brotherly/friendly relations bw humans n animals... from kabootars acting like delivery boys to dogs/monkeys always coming in for the rescue n save the just born baby from hands of villains (Jaya pradha as maa in movie maa? anyone)...

oh n here is that link of that video


Little Boy Falls Into A Gorilla Enclosure - Watch the top videos of the week here

You can hear the shrieks of ppl who are watching this thing unfold in horror... expecting gorillas to jump up and clobber the poor kid down...n yet the miracle happens...

I suggest that they should give a new definition of 'being human' and exclude all the barbarians who do not value life and instead include these other non-humans who act more humane than most of us... world will probably be a more simpler place to live in

Trip down the Information Wormhole lane

'NewsGeek'. For the uninitiated, this a special genus belonging to the species of 'Geeks' who excel in destroying their time by visiting news websites N number of times in a day with propensity to crunch more information data than munching burgers and french fries. Further subclassification divides this genus into numerous families such as 'WikiAddicts', 'TechAddicts', 'SportsAddicts', 'EcoAddicts', 'EntAddicts' etc etc etc. The addiction is often severe with most noted symptoms being
a) Having bookmarks belonging to newspapers/blogs/information sites
b) The second task you do after checking your email first thing in morning is to check these bookmarked websites
c) You use Google Reader/RSS feeders heavily to feed your never ending appetite of useless news and information with hope of using some pieces of using those news in making an interesting conversation for rest 90% of your life
d) You think the world will end tomorrow if you dont read what is happening and if it does, you dont want to NOT to know when and how is it ending

Twice have I tried to break away from this addiction. Not by choice, but entirely by a shift of situational paradigm imposed upon me by circumstances. And remarkably I discovered few things: such as 'The world didnt end. Lack of information can be a good thing. I can live without knowing each and everything happening around me '. First time I was out for a week to the heavenly gates of pearl, totally surrounded by blushing mountains from three sides with fields of lilies, roses and green tracks in between on a much wanted trip. It was on way back I realized how happy I was and how that happiness took a hit when my eyes fell on a newsstand proclaiming souring relations between Israel and Palestine. Maybe 'Ignorance is truly a bliss'. But then I realized it is not about news as much as the quality of news which affects people the most.
Earlier there used to be one Doordarshan which would relay news once in morning, afternoon, evening and then night. All the important, worthwhile news used to get covered in those precise half and hour of news and for rest of the time you could go on to live your life happily in total oblivion to all the problems in the world. But now, with news bombarding us 24X7, its impossible to stay away from news. And 99% news is about human misery and problems. Yes they are important and are very much the realities of life, but I believe that too much of 'it' actually challenges our tenacity to remain hopeful of future. There are good things happening everywhere around us, but somehow their voice gets drowned amongst the much bellowing voices of fear, anger, hatred and cynicism.

And then I wondered, if a future is possible where I will wake up one day and all the news I hear is of 'Good' tone. Where instead of a headline saying 'Tsunami pounces and wipes millions', it reads 'People helping each other build lives once more after Tsunami fails to break them'. Unfortunately I know having a dream like that is utterly impossible for pain is as real as happiness and part of our lives.
But still I remain hopeful for such a day
And then I thought a little bit more and chuckled at few thoughts. How about waking up one day with news like these?

1. PTI reports, Taliban declare 'Enough is Enough... is Enough'. Weekend reports have confirmed that Taliban has accepted to give up fighting over peace negotiations with US. In lieu they have been promised unending supply of Coke because they wanted to 'Live on the Coke Side of Life' and 'Eftah Coca-Cola Tefrah'. Sources confirm that the idea of 72 virgins waiting for them lost its appeal when they realized that those virgins will be 72 clones of their wives. 'I'd rather marry a goat and carry it on my shoulder across Morghab or Panjshir than marrying that one in burqa. She doesnt even try wearing Lipstick for Gods sake'.

2. PTI reports, Riots break in a California Jail. Heavy waterfight reported between heavily armed water gun weilding Security forces and inmates who were protesting to receive next version of Counter Strike for their X-Box playstations. Inmates are supposed to have stockpiled hundreds of water balloons and are considered armed and dangerous. The Governor has brought Microsoft Games Chief to act as the tripartite peacebroker to diffuse the situation and explain when the shortage is expected to be met. A spokesman of PCS (Prisoners for Counter Strike) spoke of the daily humiliation the top 'Fraggers' among the prisoners have to sustain in hands of the Warden. 'They jam our Controllers just when we are about to frag them. This is corrupt, inhumane and fundamentally opposes the First Law of Electrodynamics and Constitution'. The spokesman further explained how the 'Frozen' avatars are stripped of their MP5s and P90s just before a covert war is going to begin in the Dungeon Level 4 rendering them at mercy of the opposing team. 'They enjoy seeing us getting fragged' was the last word he said before he broke down into tears. 'Many of these inmates are people who were Linux Users and are just beginning to apprecite Microsoft Games, we cant let them go back to Linux. Freezing them and taking their weapons away will surely drive them back to either Linux or worse to Apple. They just need a new game and complete control over their controllers, thats it'

3. Zardari Decides to play Kho Kho with Manmohan Singh at 10 Janpath. The closed door meeting held between India and Pakistan had a happy ending when it was decided that the fate of Kashmir would be decided by a game of Kho-Kho match between the politicians of the country one month from now. Our illustrious prime minister Shri Manmohan Singh Ji chose Shri Vajapeyi as the captain of our Kho-Kho Team while Musharraf is heading the Pakistani team. Shri Vajapeyi in his states-manly speech mentioned 'Humein............ Aaj....... yahaan............................ mauka mila hai.......................................................................................... ki................................................ hum...................................................................... kuch kar dikhayein....................................................Humein..........' His speech was then cut short by the Shri Lalu who started demanding a Motion in Lok Sabha to decide the T-shirt and Dhoti size for each of the player... 'dekhiye... humka to sirf is cheez se matlab hai, ki sab yihaan aayein, apne bestest form mein... aur humka des international commonitee mein apna dhaak jamaaye. Humraa Bihar mein logan bahoot achhe se dhoti baandhana jaantaa hai, woh sab players ko yahaan help karega to isse Unemployment bhi kam hoga. Dekhiye dhoti surakshit raha, to hi naa desh surakshit rahega, isliye hum chaahte hain ki agle chunaav mein hum dhoti ko apna party symbol banaayein'.... Arjun Singh ji is separately demanding 50% quota in the Kho-Kho team to the under-represented and OBC divisions of the Lok Sabha.
On the pakistani side, sources said they were having slight difficulty in making President Zardari understand the rules of the game, particularly the 'Pakad-Pakad' rule. Sources confirm that he is having difficult to let go of female team members. 'Aji kya musibat hai, sirf ladkiyon ko hi pakadte hain... Kal security bulani padi ladki ko chudaane ke liye. Bas 'Pakad Pakad Pakad' bolte rehte hain'. Nawaz Shareef has been found to listening to Hrithik Roshan's 'Haan yehi rasta hai tera, tune isey jaanaa hai' on his ipod while practicing his 500 meter runs daily.

I can cook up more such stories, but enough for now। Its getting hot in here and I should go and get a shower.

The Ingular Doctrine

As I was going through the latest huffpost couple of days ago, my eyes caught attention on an ad about the latest attempt by Microsoft to unseat Google - Bing.com. 'You are defined by the choices you make' - said the catchphrase. An intelligent but simple ad, much better than the Seinfeld-gates attempt which reeked of antiquated humor.

From then it was a predictable journey wherein I began thinking on length, breadth and height of that statement. I looked back and thought of some choices made by me and people I intimately know and pondered over their implications over future. And there in, immersed in the pool of those interluding thoughts I realized the fallacy in that statement. I am of course talking about 's'. Now I know some may say 'Not Again'. 'Not another war with another alphabet'. I know you may also throw your arms up in the air and say, its a simple alphabet, what harm can it possible do, Leave it alone. But as I have mentioned previously, DO NOT EVER TAKE ALPHABETS LIGHTLY. I know its used everywhere, heck I am using it right now in my words as I speak. But see the thing is... the thing is... s is only as good as long as WE control it. Its a whole different ball game when s starts to control us. See, I believe that the world would be much of a simple place if there were no plural (do u notice, i have cunningly removed s in the end?).

Choice and Choices

Chance and Chances

Car and Cars

Imagine. You had a piece of bread. Any intelligent man would know what to do. Eat it.

Now imagine, you had breads. You can eat one or may be two or three. But what do you do with rest of them? Do you store them? Do you share it with your incessantly annoying brother? A whole Pandora's box opens up with so many options, and so much processing required. As I say if you gotta think over something, you better outsource it to the call center in Delhi. Do you see what I am talking about? I eventually would need a call center to tell me what to do with that bread. All that nuisance just because of an extra s.

The power of one s has been befuddling me. And there in lies my core belief - that all good things come in singular. War has habit to become Wars but there is only one Peace- no Peaces. May be people won't kill or deceive each other if they knew that they had only one choice of being good. May be we won't waste paper if we knew all that paper comes from just a tree.

Now I imagine there will be these radicals who will voice that its this s and that the gift of choosing is the greatest gift bestowed upon mankind. To them I say 'you are wrongs'. I know these people will argue that all species make choices but none can process information as eloquently as us humans and its this processing which makes our daily mundane life a tad bit different tomorrow from what is today. To them I say again 'you are wrongs'.

Here is my argument: The Universe spiraled into what it is today because it had only one choice. It had to bang in a big way. What could it do? Burst like a pop-corn. That is for wimps. What kind of starting would that be? It would be so simple that even a caveman could write a book on origins of our universe. Then where would all our नाड़ा theorists (string theorists) go??? Could there be any other choice other than nuclear fusion to make stars, galaxies and our milky way (suck up nuclear fission!). Does black hole have a choice in deciding whom it should eat and whom it should spare? Answer to all of these is of course a resounding NO.

Then why must we not follow what our billion year old wise universe has been telling us. Why must I decide every morning when I wake up: should I apply butter or fruit jam on my Sara Lee 100% Wheat bread?

No I don't fault you for believing that having options is a good thing. It is because we have evolved ourselves to believe that way. And that is another problem given birth by s - Evolution. Single cell bacteria evolved to multi-cellular organisms, which evolved to make fish, which evolved to make amphibians, and the dinosaurs, then the big G (the God) realized 'holy crap, I ordered humans not dinosaurs', so he sent an asteroid to clean bowl them over. And then he put up a new bid and apes formed which evolved into humans.

All this because Evolution had choices. Now imagine if it had not gone that way. If DNA had only one choice to decide our fate. We would be like Mr. Phillis Dexter

Mr. Phillis Dexter

Would that be so awful?? That we all humans/species look like him. There would no fights, no ego problems, everyone would be Mr/Mrs Universe. We would be living in a Utopia. And is that not what all aspire for?

But I know people will not realize the gravity of this situation. They think s as simple and harmless. People who have played 'finding the word' in a map would appreciate that sometimes the most difficult word to find is the one which is 'just there' - big, bold and even italicized perhaps. We spend our time to find that word hoping it has been perhaps written in font size 7, and that is why is invisible. But No. The brazenness of that cunning word lies in hiding itself in plain sight. That is exactly what this s has been doing. Sitting silently and watching the world ruin itself.

If it were up to me, I would urge UN to ban s from the world. You wake up one morning and all words with s gone. Puffff. Just like that. Try speaking following lines

Mom, can I get ome ugar for my milk??

Excue Me, you hould not take your hoes in temple. It i acred.

And in forms you will have to fill 'Ex: Male/Female' (now would that not be interesting question to answer :D)

Wa it too hard?

I know its a long shot. The way s has penetrated in our daily life is so deep that we might never be able to free ourselves from its slavery. But we must rise against the tyranny and hegemonic leadership of s. At least at the minimum we must immediately stop it use in all suffix. We might need to retire it before it retires us and substitute it with some different alphabet. Perhaps a Q or a Z. Both of them have been under appreciated in our culture. May be its time to bring them to limelight.

But until then, may I be bold enough to pray for you to live life one choice at a time :) And may that choice be easy to make....

War of Months...

Long long time ago, came the twelve months together

and promised to form a year, to live under the same banner

Some had odd no of days and some were happy to be even

They shared different seasons under the same skies and heaven

Pain or pleasure come what may

would be distributed in equal say

With time the months of odd

grew odds with months of even

Because of the extra day they thought they had

they thought they had to endure pain more bad

They formed a group headed by the July

a month of rains they thought could rely

Evens had no choice but to choose the June

a month of summers they thought was more attune

In an open meadow one fine sunny day

they met under a tree with swords drawn and made of clay

June tried to reason with July

We are all the same, parts of same tribe

You think you have an extra day of pain

but for us evens its same pain compressed in 30 days

We feel more fraction of pain everyday

the same which you feel in 31 days

But July wouldn't listen.

Months of odd made fun and ridiculed

the months with less than 31 days

July found an August company who came handy

with a chocolate cake and candy

Accused June and ones with 30 days

of playing a difficult game and eating ruffles lays

The months of even stunned and amazed

This turnaround befuddled them and left them in haze

Months of even reminded the odds of times they had

that each month followed the others no matter how bad

But months of odd laughed and said it was all in good sense

and so they went different ways beyond times fence

A year got split in the two

February was lonely as it was at times even and at times odd

so the evens took it under their umbrella broad

thus now we have months without Junes summer breeze

without July's cloudy skies

Without Decembers cold winters

And without April's springy surprise

Evens looked, shook their head and went on

Looked back couple of times

and saw months of odd in celebrations

happy in the clan of extra days they dined in their mansions

Then after a time long gone by

times that paled those sunny skies

the months of odd talked once again but of being slain

of fading echoes and ankles with sprain

Standing with new company, they muttered about autumn frost

It was a choice involving more than a stamps cost

If only they could see what others had to sustain

They would have not killed the very dreams

they had promised to nurture and maintain

and the year would still be together

but saying all this is just is vain

a year, a month are just another piece of a long chain

Seasons of spring, winter, autumn and summer

will return and bare earth will touch the feel of rain again

I, Robot and I want a diaper

Time and again I have tried to put this very clear that I am a 'dreamer'. And yeah yeah I am not the only one. Yada. Yada. But I take the business of dreaming more seriously than anyone else (except John Dorion). I have fought more ghosts in my dream to put ghostbusters to shame. I have rescued princesses more number of times than Prince of Persia and I have reveled in more cheesecake than which can be churned by The Cheesecake Factory. Not only that, I have single handedly won every major Nobel, Grammy, Oscar and Victoria’s Cross than a mere mortal is allowed to boast of. Just other night I won an Emmy for playing Mr Garcia, the horse rider. Its a show in which Mr Garcia rides the horse. No other character or dialogues, just Mr. Garcia and the horse. And - listen this, recently I lived inside my apartment for 14 consecutive days and survived on drinking, eating and schmoozing on dreams alone. Survive that Bear Grylls!

Nevertheless I had yesterday what I would call pointe-de-zenithio of my dreams. It was one of those dreams, which when you have you never want to wake up. And I wouldn't have woken up except for the minor case of bladder emergency. Two parts of brain, two ears, two eyes and one bladder? Remind me, I need to make a backup storage unit to rectify Gods mistake.

So here is what happened:

The year: 2018.

I had just finished my book and national bestseller "I, Robot and I want a diaper". It was a soul searching and gut-wrenching story of one robot who got tired one day of leaking grease from its arm-pits and decided to rebel against its makers for right to poop more gracefully. Stripped of its dignity it had no choice but to stage a dharna in front of World Nations Head Quarters (Lonavala, India). And for rest what happened you can read on your own. (You can pre-order copies from Amazon.com, all that money will go into charity to make my palace in Central Park, NY).

It had been on National bestseller list for 10 straight months and had even put Rowlings never ending saga of 'Harry potter' behind (Yeah, by 2018 she had made Lord Voldemort alive again - and for the 4th time! Harry and Hermione had sort of a one night stand and their love child became the next wizard to fight Voldemort.) This was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life. I knew it would come. And it did. The phone rang. I picked up. And yes - this was it.

'Hold on now, you are so close.'

Yes, I had just been called for an interview with none other than Stephen Colbert to discuss my book! Now SC or Steve as I love to call him is not a mere mortal sir. He is a rare combination of beauty with brains. Of spectacular eyes with moustacheless machomism. And he delivers. Faster than FedEx, DHL or pigeons of world war 2. He is more than a cultural icon. In fact on my desktop, he is the only icon.

Steve is a legend. His roast in 2006, his numerous moments of head-butting, tongue twisting, word wrapping have made him more powerful than Dalai Lama, Popes and Garfield put together. And I, his greatest living Indian fan had been preparing for this 'Lakshya' my whole life. This ladies and gentleman was the actual reason for me to write that book. Years of strategy learnt from 'Apprentice' had finally paid off.

My thrillness knew no bounds! To be on the sets of Steve, was going to be the greatest eve of my life I had set to achieve!

I am now on the sets of 'The Colbert Show' and as it happens I would be interviewed by Steve in last 10 mins. I am trembling and sitting there I am wondering if there is earthquake and if there is why the hell everybody is not being evacuated. Oh no, its just me. I prayed lord to give me strength and courage to face my hero and check if I had my handkerchief in my upper pocket in case I can’t... hold myself back

Wooooo.... Wooooo... Yey... Yey... Rise ladies and gentlemen... (Stephen does his routine to reach the desk of the invited speaker). And then he comes and sits across that famous polished hard wood desk bought from Ikea for 1o0$.

SC: Now ladies and..

Me: OMG! OMG! OMG! (Shrieking manly and uncontrollably)

SC (suddenly startled)

Me: OMG... steve... I am here... its you... dude, is this real?

SC (startled n continues): Yeah, and ladies and gentleman tonight we have a special guest who is going to speak on the agony of being a robot whose rights to poop were taken off before he was born. So Sir, why should we be concerned off...

Me: Stephen, how do you do it? I have been watching you for 15 years now, and I cannot imagine I am sitting right across my idol, my hero, my santa claus. I have a room plastered with your greatest moments.

SC: Well Dr Anand, I appreciate very much but as I was saying

Me: Stephen, can I hold your hands??

SC: Excuse Me?

Me: Yeah... I want the memory of this moment to last forever. If Deathstar now decides to implode our planet, I want this to be the last memory on this planet earth before I join you in heaven. I'll be your screenwriter, copyrighter, Xerox boy or even your co-desk-sharer if you want.

SC: hmmm... well sorry I already gave the spot of accompanying me to heaven to my first screenwriter. But lets go on, what is this book about? How did you get inspiration to write this?

Me: Fine. We will come to my proposal later... to be honest, it isn’t that one day I got hit in head and decided to write something. Its just that I watched my girlfriend Candella11A and we talked about certain...

SC: wait a min! Candella11A?

Me: Oh right, yeah my girlfriend. She is a class A robot. She feels somewhat hurt if I mention that she is not human. But we have been together for last three years now.

SC: Oh, so you are one of those interspecial couples. How did this happen?

Me: Well, it was sort of a chance meet. I was walking inside a major Science Exhibition couple of years ago, when I accidently bumped into someone. When I looked at her, she was simply the shiniest, glossiest thing I had ever seen. I knew it right then that we have to be together. And then I helped her get up, and put back her batteries where it should be and that’s how it all started. Next day I went her home with an Energizer AA set and apologized and she graciously put them behind her eye sockets. Her Laser eyes glimmered with a shine equivalent to 10 Saturn moons on a starry night that day.

SC: So three years and still going strong?

Me: Yups, pretty much. I wake up every day, fill her up with Penz Special Grade Oil first thing in morning and in between we chat, sms from time to time and I even monitor her from my office using a webcam. Just the other day I surprised her by bringing the newest i6400 core processor from Intel.

SC: But why her??

Me: Well many reasons. Unlike female homo sapiens, she doesn’t argue, doesn’t waste money, no drama, no anger and she doesn’t get hot - even when I hide her Cooling Unit. And she does the best job in the whole world in ironing my pants (I stand up and show my wrinkle-free pants to the audience). See... See not a single wrinkle anywhere! What more can a guy want?

SC: hahaha, ok. Fascinating. Do your parents know about it? how did they react to it? And what about next step?

Me: It was hard at first, but now they seem to understand. And we haven't thought about it yet, but we might go for IVRF (In-vitro Robo Fertilization). You know science has come great way, now next gen robots have ovaries inside them. Candella11A is of last generation so she didn’t had any, but we are talking about it. Let’s see.

SC: Ok. so what about this book...

Me: Forget it Steve... Steve can I ask you a ques? What hair gel brand do you use? I have tried so many, but I just can’t get mine to look as slick as yours. And what about your eye frame? What do you use to polish those silvery frames? BTW, I am your biggest Indian fan you know that?

SC: Laughing. Oh that can’t be true.

Me: Seriously, see I have been waiting for this moment my entire adult life or at least since I met you on my Philips 32 inch TV. Now would you tell me what brand of cereals you use for your breakfast? How about a lunch at my place? Candella11A cooks an awesome shaahi paneer.

SC (laughing): You sir, with your awesome awesomeness have just Stephened me on my own show.

Me: Hey Stephen, I just stephened you. Don’t I get a cool nickname for doing that?

SC (laughing): You meathead, I declare you my greatest Indian fan possible.

Me: Meathead? Me! yaiyyyyyyyy

and then yaiyyyy cut short for the bladder emergency :(

Disclaimer: All the stuff mentioned above is a surreal hypothetical stuff. DO NOT PRINT IT AND INGEST IT.